A Q&A with Noa Sheer for Women’s Day 2025
NS: Let's get one thing straight: women do not achieve less in negotiations. In fact, there may be situations where we'd even prefer women at the negotiation table because they may be more assertive, more prepared, more in control.
In my work, which involves training using simulations, teaching MBA courses, preparing corporates for negotiation and facilitating the negotiations myself, I often observe men and women negotiate in comparable scenarios. I don't see more skill in one gender when it comes to negotiating on others’ behalf or in teams. The research confirms that there is no superior gender in negotiations, in general.
Where I do see differences between men and women is when it comes to negotiating for our own benefit - for our salary or promotion, our workplace terms, our deadlines. This is where women tend to underperform in comparison to their male counterparts, and related research shows this clearly.
Over the years I have become very interested in understanding this phenomenon. Looking at research from the fields of Negotiation, Psychology, Economics, Gender Studies and Management, and referencing my own work across my clients in a wide range of industries, I have developed theories of why this gap exists and what we can do to bridge it fast.
So what are the differences between men and women in negotiations?
NS: Men and women differ in their propensity to recognise opportunities in their circumstances. Men are more likely to take the chance of asking for something they want, even when there is no obvious evidence that the change they want is even possible.
Research such as that by Kaman and Hartel (1994) showed that men, compared to women, indicated higher pay expectations, a higher likelihood of active negotiation, less likelihood of using traditional self-promotion strategies (such as casual conversations, requesting sponsorship etc.), and sought more opportunity for legitimate negotiations.
How do you see this difference play out?
NS: The difference is most clear in settings where I coach women one-on-one, and when I train groups of women. Particularly evident is that women hesitate to apply for promotions, don't accurately measure the value they bring, avoid asking directly for what they want, and fail to identify non-traditional ways of self promotion.
For many women, the perceived constraint is that they don't have fool-proof evidence that they are deserving of what they want, and they worry it may displease the other party to hear their requests.
Some women I work with will wait for reassurance that they can deliver on 100% of the criteria for a promotion, or have met 100% of the criteria for a salary increase. They prefer a 0% risk of offending the other party in the negotiation.
The literature suggests that there is a social cost of advocating for oneself if you are female. This is also visibly clear in my work; women weigh up the rewards and risks of asking for what they want, and then often decide to refrain from having the negotiation for fear of the risks. In particular, the risk of jeopardising a relationship weighs down on female negotiators. Even when they do initiate and execute a negotiation they won't ask for exactly what they want, but a diluted version of that, or a lower figure, to avoid any negative repercussions.
I want to note here that the research differentiates between the average of groups and these descriptions won’t apply to every woman. In fact some that I work with are outstanding negotiators.
Why do you think this difference exists?
NS: We can break down the issue into two themes: Proactivity and Power
I came across interesting research that revealed that women, on average, have less belief that they are in control of their circumstances than men. While we need to be careful not to generalise across populations and generations, I did start to poll groups of women on how in control of their circumstances they felt.
In the last few years I have used the Locus of Control scale to explore what level of proactivity they expect of themselves in, say, the journey to career success.
Do they expect to be tapped on the shoulder and awarded a promotion, or do they expect to have to persuade their manager to promote them?
Do they expect to seek and create opportunities for themselves or do they expect to choose from the options given to them by others?
On average, I find that women expect less proactivity of themselves when it comes to their career.
There is also interesting research on the impact of power on women's negotiation skills. When women feel empowered, they negotiate as well as men do, even for their own personal benefit. Men seemed unaffected by power and negotiated in a similar manner, with or without feeling empowered.
Always have a Plan B
One big source of power is having an alternative; or what is known in negotiation language as a BATNA (Best Alternative To A Negotiated Agreement). Having a Plan B always make the situation less pressurised, and can propel women’s confidence to negotiate assertively.
However, there are many other sources of power that can directly increase a woman's ability to negotiate successfully, and I explore these with my female clients in my training. We work to empower them as much as possible - even in the absence of a Plan B (or BATNA).
Willing and Able
The hesitance to pursue negotiations for personal benefit—be it for promotions, salary increases, or other job terms—reveals a broader issue of self-efficacy and empowerment. Women are just as capable negotiators as their male counterparts. However, the challenge lies not in their abilities, but in their willingness to advocate for themselves due to deeply ingrained societal perceptions and a fear of negative repercussions.
As we strive for greater equity in the professional landscape, it's crucial for women to recognise their inherent value and to challenge the belief that they must meet all criteria before asking for what they deserve.
By fostering a mindset of proactivity, and understanding the sources of power available to them, women can navigate negotiations with confidence and clarity. Ultimately, empowering women to embrace their negotiation potential is not just a personal triumph but a collective win that drives lasting change for future generations. This Women's Day, we re-commit ourselves to supporting one another in our journeys, ensuring that women are heard and valued.
For more information on skills and development training for women in negotiations, view our negotiations for women training overview.